I used to think I had it all. Well, I did…. from a societal viewpoint. But I was indeed Quietly Unhappy . . . Things inside my life and my home had spun out of control and I was reeling. It was lonely, frightening and quite honestly, embarrassing. ~ I had a house in the suburbs, a two car family, a husband, a daughter and I got to stay home with her! So ideal. So coveted.
Yet. The knot in my belly persisted. The gnawing on my psyche remained. I knew that something had to give and slowly came to the realization that the something was me. This realization created a domino effect and I found myself questioning everything I had ever been taught. . . . I made the decision to transform my life.
. . . . That scenario was me twenty years ago. Ugly. Dark. Lonely. . . . . I weathered that storm. I weathered the pulling apart of an identity I had been taught since childhood was to be my destiny. With my identity shattered, I was left with a huge void and mess. Everything I had ever known and thought I wanted had fallen down around my feet. It required time, patience, and friends to hold me up when I thought I would fall apart. It required me allowing the mess to be there. And, when I tip toed out of it and looked back at it, as scared to death of walking away as I was, I made the decision to do it anyway. There was no going back.
I suffered a great loss. This loss was the birth place of a new version of myself. This is where my true spiritual journey began.
Fast forward to 2014
I suffered a fall resulting in a Traumatic Brain Injury.
Again, my life spun out of control in a totally different manner. Plagued with uncertainty of my future; unsure if I would regain cognition, sequencing and many skills we don’t even consider to be skills that our brains do for us. I felt vulnerable, was extremely afraid in my fogginess and felt alone and isolated.
It was a long road back to what can only be described as my "new normal." I can now read and work and engage in activities that were on hold for many, many months. I am a new version of myself. Are you being asked to create a new version of yourself? Don't wait for tragedy to begin your Journey to Grace.
I suffered another great loss — but this was different.
This was a loss of self in a completely different way. This was a loss of identity not in relation to anyone or anything, but rather a loss of identity in relation to ME, my SELF.
And again I birthed a new version of myself. A slow process of daily, tiny steps forward.
This time, I had a firm foundation to stand on
This time I had an inner strength and a commitment to myself that had developed during my struggle from my first major life storm, indeed, from all life struggles.
This tragedy showed me deep aspects of myself I surely had not met. It showed me a woman who was deeply committed to recovery; it showed me a woman determined to prove the specialists wrong. I grabbed on to this woman's hand and diligently persevered.
During times like this it is important to pull together a team of professionals - ant that is what I did. I knew enough - even with a brain injury - especially because of the brain injury - to rely on people who know more than I and can take me to the next level of healing. This is true for all kinds of healing destinations.
Perhaps you are finding yourself thinking “I need to assemble a team.” Go with that; trust it. You found yourself here — maybe I am to be your Guide, your Mentor for the next leg of your Journey.
My purpose is not to hand you the answers to all of your questions; if it were that easy, I would just give them to you here and now.
My purpose is to teach you how to look within yourself for the answers you seek. By listening to what you are saying and not saying, I can help lead you to the questions that really matter – questions that will initiate your own Awakening. By teaching you to look within for those answers and trust your intuition, I can serve as a Mentor on your path of healing and empowerment.